Self Inflicted Hit and Run

by Ian Turner from Naniamo, BC

Friends who know me well have become accustomed to strange things happening to me. There are, however, still some occasions that leave them shaking their heads in disbelief. 

One of these would have to have been an automobile accident that I had in my station wagon. The car was great but it would cause me trouble from time to time. Mostly, with the starter. The starter used to jam in the “on” position and it would begin to smoke. 

Normally, I would fix the problem by getting out of the car, lifting the hood, leaning over the engine and giving the starter motor a good smack. On the fateful day in question that’s exactly what happened. I got out, lifted the hood and leaned over the engine. 

And that is when the wind, the strong prairie, wind blew the hood down…right on top of me. I couldn’t lift it. I was trapped under the small but heavy little hood. I was halfway in the car and halfway out. 

And as the hood closed, the car popped into gear. 

The gravity of the situation only began to sink in when I noticed that I was being slowly dragged across the gravel parking lot. 

I began to have awful visions of what the upcoming headlines in the small-town paper would say about my demise if I did not get this sorted out. 

I remember thinking – “If I could only grab the battery cable I could stop the car”. 

As I reached to grab the battery terminal wires, the car bounced across a shallow ditch, through an ornate wooden fence, and came to an abrupt halt as it smacked into a garage wall. The second I realized that I was still alive, I did grab the battery terminal wires and any other wire I could get my flailing hands onto. 

The car shuddered and died. 

After the police had gone through the obvious questions – drinking, the effects of substance abuse, we all had a good laugh. Luckily, it turns out, they do not have a charge for “self-inflicted hit and run”.